Just rang Lloyds to see if I’d been paid. They have a robot slavegirl who deals with that kind of thing, she tries her best.
- robot slavegirl: please enter your very long account number
- me: beep beep beep…
- rs: thank you. now enter the nth digit of your passcode
- me: beep
- rs: and the nth+2 digit
- me: bee – oh bollocks
- rs: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that. Please enter you very long account number.
- me: (silently fumes and repeats the above)
- rs: you entered n and n+2. Is that right?
- me: shit. Good job I’m not on handsfree
- rs: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that. Please say ‘yes’ or ‘no’
- me: yes! fuck sake
- rs: ok, please select ‘recent transactions’, ‘balance’……
- me: (can’t find the little cheatsheet that lets you just press numbers to avoid this farce) uh, ”recent transactions”
- HUMAN IN ROOM: is that a real person?
- me: no, it’s a bot
- rs: I’m having a little trouble understanding you. Please enter your very long account number.
- me: AAAAAAARGH